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John Wowk's Fishin' Poetry

(In other words, the world's greatest Hawg poems)

There will be two poems reserved for the winners of the Hawgman trophy.

 

The MAD Fisherman

Charlie Moore is New England's greatest Bass Angler.
He will show you more action than a rodeo wrangler.

Now tune into his fishing shows,
Sit back and lose you worries and woes.

Charlie Moore is on the screen,
Best Bass fisherman I've Ever seen!

Charlie Moore, He's the Man!
No one can do it like the MAD Fisherman can!

 

"Harry The Hawg"

Harry The Hawg is a bass that lives in a bog,
he weighs 23 pounds and his home is behind a log.

Learned in class 'Go slow and easy' that's the rule,
has grown to be the biggest bass in his country woods pool.

Harry's never been caught but his hat has, over 100 times
and thrown back by anglers who say "Someday you'll be mine"
be a good bass and start obliging, come on out Harry, stop your hiding.

Harry I need that million dollar reward money that they will pay, Just bite 
on the end of my line and you'll surely make my day.

You can make me a rich and famous fishing celebrity, I'll even take a trip
to Hollywood with my family.

I promise if I catch you I won't hang you on my living room wall,
You'll get a good home in a big fish tank down at the shopping mall.

It will be the nicest home you ever had, 
we'll feed you lots of crawdads and big fat shad.     

"Oh, No" What's this I hear.....the Hawgmasters are in town,
Those good old boys claim they can catch any bass hanging around.

With fully loaded bass boats they headed out to the bog,
in search of the one and only 'Harry The Hawg'.

All the fishermen are after him,
but boy that bass sure knows how to swim.

Hiding in and out of those lily pads,
making those anglers just a little bit
mad.              

Those boats took position and cast out every lure known to man,
could hear
those anglers say "I can catch Harry I know I can"

Bass of every size where caught in a frantic haste,
could this finally be the end....was this Harry's fate?

Boats were so full of bass they started to drop below the water line,
But Harry was still not caught and the clock was running out of time,

Bass were plucked from every corner of the bog
but the Hawgmasters couldn't catch 'Harry The Hawg'.

It sure would of been nice to have hooked Harry they thought
as they released all of the bass that they had caught.

And when they were through they left town will all their gear,
trying to hold back all their frustration and tears.

Harry's still out there waiting for you and me,
somewhere down there where the water meets the fallen tree.

Next time someone ask you if you want to go fishing, don't say you'll pass,
Because it just might be you who catches Harry, the world record bass.

A Good Poem:

For a poem to be good,
it must and always should,
have every single line,
end up
in a rhyme.

 

Cody's Catch

The battle was fierce, said Cody Pierce,
But this was the day that he would rule
that March morning on the way to school.
He stopped to make a simple cast
And broke a record that would forever last.
The 17.05 pound bass was an awesome sight,
released unharmed for another angler to fight.
The time has come to award what's due,
"Hey Cody, for all the bassin' you do-
This Hawg's for you."

 

"ROSIE"

Rosie the bridge chick,
That chick is awful slick,
uses chunk bait without a weight,
lets the current take it out,
she'll get a bite without a dought.
At 5ft five and a lot of goll,
she's the chick than outfish us all.

 

Diddle with the Fiddle

Mr. Dilly Dally liked to diddle,
so he made a spoon lure in the shape of a fiddle
and went out fishing during a full moon.
As he reeled in the lure
the bass started to stir,
and a Hawg danced away with his spoon.

 

NET MAN (Robert Langley)

It was on March 28 of 1987
A certain carp fisherman found his piece of heaven.
spent most of the day enjoying my favorite hobby
fishing the Merrimack River with my friend Bobby.
After a short battle the fish I hooked surfaced like a submarine
this early in the season my net man was still a little green.
As he leaned over the steep bank to take action,
he lost his footing and almost ended up in traction.
Lucky for me, he landed between two trees
and landed that fish while on both knees.
That was a Kodak moment I'll never forget
and I'll bring Bobby again without regret.
As the 23 1/2 pound carp hung from the tackle shop scale
I realized it's not I the angler, it's my net man I shall hail.
 

CLUB BASS (Ray Scott)

There was once a bass fisherman from Alabama
Who wrote down his idea on his bandanna,
To start up a bass fishing club
From the back of the city Pub
And open up chapters from Seattle to Savannah.

 

FISHY WISHY

Did you hear about the fisherman from Salem Mass
who caught himself an enchanted bass.
Now this was a magical fish,
who allowed the angler a single wish.
And if you believe that
Let me tell you about this cat.

 

BOGUS HAWG

Wonder if I could grow a bass in my tub,
Fatten it up with shad and grub,
Until it tipped the scales at twenty three.
Then I could tell the world The record bass belongs to me, Hee Hee.

 

HUGE AWESOME WATER GORILLA (H.A.W.G)

A very long time ago Before the ice and the volcanoes started to blow
There lived a ferocious bass
Meanest fish in its class.
This huge awesome water gorilla,
Would give any caveman a thriller.
If he dared to lure her out
Even with the club he couldn't win the bout.
This big old bass even had teeth
And could sink those babies 3" deep.
She would fatten up on anything in site
Been known to give the caveman a nasty bite.
But this tough old gal knew how to survive
Not surprised if she is still alive.
Made it past those rumbles and quakes,
And how do we know this story is not fake?
Because her offspring got caught in Montgomery Lake

 

NEW ROD AND REEL

Rushed out and bought a new rod and reel,
Felt just right, had a good feel,
Rushed down to the water to try my luck,
Went to make a cast, the reel got stuck.
My jig and pig just wouldn't flip,
My rod and line acted like a bullwhip,
But I was sure I had purchased the best,
OOPS's, Sorry, I spooled my reel with 100 pound test.

POT BELLY HAWG

She likes to play in- the back yard and have some fun, Except when the neighbors cat has her on the run. Took my pot belly Hawg out for a walk made all the city folk stop and gawk. 

We strolled down to the boat dock to listen to stories and fish talk. My pot belly Hawg saw the water and jumped in, I had forgotten that Hawg liked to swim She was giving as a gift to me, Rescued from the drought of 83. Gonna miss that pot belly Hawg, Next time I think I'll ask for a dog.

 

MARS

I wonder how they fish up there on Mars, Do they fish for Bass or fish for Gars? What if there's no water up there, Do they have to fish in the air? And what would they use for bait? And how long would they have to wait? Could you fish on that empty range? Bet the fish you caught would look awful strange. Next time you point your telescope at the stars Please tell me, How's the fishing up there on Mars?

 

BOSTON REDNECK

He likes to fish the Charles River, with a crossbow and fully loaded quiver. He looks sort of mean when he eats baked beans.

He'll growl while eating fowl. He's a Boston Redneck. He wears a Hawg Whacker fishing hat, and his guts a little to fat. If he's driving in traffic that's to slow, He'll lean on the horn and let it blow, He's a Boston-Redneck.

When he feels like going for a swim, from the Tobin Bridge he'll jump right in. All the city women like his style, All the city men he likes to rile, He's a Boston Redneck.

Take him fishing and he's a friend for life, you'll get to meet his toothless wife. They will invite you over for a gig, and you'll end up eating roasted pig, He's a Boston Redneck.

Plays his country music too loud, (doesn't like a big crowd. He's got a 10 pound bass hanging on the wall, and a home made still down the hall, He's a Boston Redneck.

I'm glad we live on the same street, We all think he's kinda neat. He says he likes it here and we don't know why, I'm just glad we don't have to say goodbye, He's our Boston Redneck.

 

BILLY THE BASS KID (Bill Dance)

By the time he was three, he could out fish you and me. Had bass catching fever as a child, Now he's got it permanent - went Hawg Wild.

His aluminum boat with the gadgets is his iron horse, could head in any direction, it would set the course. His fishing rod and reel became a lasso wasn't much with that thing he couldn't do.

When he showed up - all the bass swam and hid they knew they didn't want to tangle with Billy The Bass Kid. once he herded up a school of 100 bass up a creek and caught every one of them within a week.

Rumor has it he lassoed a big one on the river Tennessee, the big fish towed Bill's boat up to the boarder of Kentucky and just when Bill thought he had it, the fish turned and ran, pulled Billy The Bass Kid all the way down to the Pickwick Dam.

They say he's still down there battling that big Hawg, Through thick and thin, rainy weather and heavy fog. Some say they're going to make a TV show, some say they did, About the one and only, The great BILLY THE BASS KID.

 

The Mad Fisherman (Charlie Moore)

Charlie likes to fish on a lake called Chebacco,
Always brings some cigars and a box full of tackle.
He'll take some people to tape a show,
While watching at home his fan club grows.

Charlie likes to encourage catch and release,
keeps only the one he is going to eat.
They tell me he throws all the big bass away,
"WOW" I can't wait to go fishing with Charlie someday.

 

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill, now both over the hill,
went out to go fishing by the mill.
Jill caught a huge 17 pound bass,
Bass Pro Jack became flabbergast.
Jill got her picture in the paper,
Jack stroked out and met his maker.

 

BIG MOUTH

We all know that angler who thinks he is hip, You know the one that's always flapping his lip, The one that goes fishing with celebrities of world fame, But when you ask him he can't seem to remember their names.

Over your eyes he will try to pull the wool, Something about his stories always sound like bull. He tells you about the big one that got away, or the one that broke his fishing line yesterday.

He hangs around the local tackle shop like a permanent fixture, Staring at the Wall Of Fame but you never see his picture.

Come to think of it he sounds just like you know who, Could it be that he's a spitting image of me and you.

 

FISHERMEN'S MOON

When the golden moon shines so bright
So big with all it's might,
It has a gravitational pull
but only when it's full
To lure fishermen out at night.

Now we really don't know the answer to why
we go fishing at this particular time - but we have to try.
I guess it's because we were told
Years ago by some wise men of old
That fish bite during a full moon and that ain't no lie.

So I hear there is going to be moon out tonight,
that's why I'm getting things ready at my fishing site.
And should I ever figure this gravitational stuff out
I'll be sure to give you all a moonstruck shout -
On why the fish bite when the moon is just right!

 

PLEASE PASS THE BASS

Did you hear about little Johnny Tucker who caught a big bass for the church supper and said he would feed everyone after mass that day. And after they said grace,
They ate and ate and ate, and not knowingly consumed the world record bass away.

 

HAWG - ON (True Story)

Lake Toho West was cold and windy that February morning,
at 5:00am after 3 cups of coffee I was still yawning. My bass guide "Mad Dog" looked good in his brand new Ranger, as we rigged up I asked questions of alligators and any danger.

Being from Boston I wasn't sure if I still wanted to go, But the price was right and the previous client was a no show.
Three dozen shiners in the live well and not carrying a beeper, we headed out in search of that big old keeper.

About 20 minutes into fishing along a weed line, My bobber went down and things started to look fine. But my bass guide had turned into a Marine drill instructor, barking out orders, waving his arms like a Boston Pops conductor.

"Bring your rod up to ten o'clock and reel in that slack"
"Don't do anything until I tell ya, you hear me Mack"
"Now set the hook and hold on tight
and fight that Hawg with all your might."

The bass dived and jumped and thrashed around,
my knees were shaking my heart did pound.
The fishing line stretched but that Hawg didn't get away,
that 8 pound bass really made my day.

Hanging on my wall it's such a nice site to see
that hard earned Hawg from that lake in Kissimmee.

 

GOOD OLD GEORGE
It was back in 1932, George said,"Look what I can do"
He made a short cast and caught the world record bass,
And was just as surprised as you.

 

HAWGOMETER

I went out and bought myself a Hawgometer,
neatest invention since the thermometer.
Not only does it tell you where the waters deep,
it shows a picture of the bass and wakes you if you sleep.
But this device does something else that gives it a high score, It shows you on screen exactly the fishes weight
and tells you exactly what to use for bait. Now I am fishing in a different class, Just last week I caught over 10,000 pounds of bass. Fishing - What a Bore!!!

 

Hey, Mr. Black Bass

Hey, Mr. Black Bass, have you seen any Hawg?
Yes Sir, Yes Sir, there were three in the Bog.
One got caught by a boy with a cane,
The second got hooked by a girl named Jane,
The third one was caught last night in the rain.

 

Bye Bye, Peacock Bass'

There once was a Peacock Bass fisherman from Peru,
Who fished the Amazon River in a canoe,
The canoe was made out of banana skin,
Whoever built it built it to thin,
A school of Piranha ate right through.

 

The Story of Hawgerella

Once upon a time there lived a bass named Sowsella,
She lived in the lake under a weed-covered umbrella.
The special news of the lake that day Was That Prince Largemouth's parade was heading this way.

Rumor had it that his Royal Hawgness was looking for a bride,
But if she was to be his wife she had to be big, fat, and very wide.

Sowsella's two sisters knew the Prince was looking for a heavy dish, So they ate all the food and left Sowsella a skeleton from a small fish.

Now, those two sisters could be cruel and mean,
Both of them thought they should be the queen,
So they made Sowsella clean up the crawdad shells around the house While they continued to fatten up for their new royal spouse.

As her sisters started getting fatter and fatter
Poor Sowsella was getting more sadder and sadder.
But the Fairy Hawgmother showed up at the front door
And said, "Sowsella, you need not be sad anymore."

She knew Sowsella was a deserving bass with class,
So she turned Sowsella into a big fat Hawg in a flash.
And told her the moment she left the umbrella
She would turn into the beautiful "Hawgerella."

Hawgerella was so happy she went to see the parade.
And when she saw the Prince she tried not to be afraid.
But when the Prince saw her he yelled out, "WOW, what a beautiful sow, And moved towards her, but she took off and he lost her in the crowd.

Prince Largemouth ordered all his subjects to search for her location, Seems the Prince had fallen in love and was losing his patience. His Minute Man Muskie started the search,
Followed by a company of his loyal perch.

While the Pickerel Patrol was put on red alert,
A division of sunfish was ready to disburse.
The Trout Troop assembled at his request,
And a caravan of catfish was told to head west.

They searched and searched and searched in vain,
But couldn't find Hawgerella, the Prince was in pain.
He hired inspector Cluse-Calico And Detective Hawgumbo,
And immediately assigned them to the case Code Name: Miss jumbo.

The next day they reported they saw her at the north side of the lake. Prince Largemouth and his subjects headed out so fast they left behind a wake, And when he got to Sowsella's home he tripped and fell. The sisters said, "Look his Royal Hawgness is laying down by our crawdad well."

Sowsella rushed out of the house to be by his side,
Then turned into Hawgerella right before his eyes.
The Prince took Hawgerella to his Royal Hawg Hole in the middle of the lake, Where he fed her lots of barbecue, kibby ribby, and shad fillet steaks.

From then on the lake was full of good times and laughter,
And Prince Largemouth and Hawgerella lived happily ever after.

 

"HEY RAY" FOR ALL THE BASSIN' YOU DO - THIS HAWGS FOR YOU

You've fished every river and lake in the state, fished day and night until you ran out of bait, seems your always getting home a little bit late, you want to go fishing Saturday night but have to double date.

subscribed to every fishing magazine on the market today, Don't care if it's going to cost you half a weeks pay. You need to know every trick in the book, because you are going to fish every cranny and nook.

You never bring home any more fish to eat, because you are now practicing catch and release, but just can't seem to catch that trophy bass, You've even prayed for it at Sundays mass.

You went out and spent a million dollars on fishing gear, even bought yourself some fancy fishing clothes to wear. That bass boat your hauling you sure didn't win at the County fair. And the way your fed up wife's been staring at you, it would of been safer if you were set up to hunt grizzly bear.

Then one morning during a bass tournament in the month of July, you load up the boat with the help of your bass guide name Guy Set out on the water with a tackle box the size of a 'frigerator, the fishing line your toting is strong enough to reel in a gator.

About half way out on the lake you both see a fish rise, you and Guy can't seem to agree on it's exact size. but both agree it's the biggest bass you two ever did see, somewhere around 22 pounds, or was it 23 ?

Both of you make a cast to the same place, you hook up while Guy gets red in the face. Start cranking in that big old beautiful bass, but it makes a run for The thick hydrilla grass.

You put the brakes to your reel, your thumbs on fire, the lines screaming off the spool like tuna wire. You finally get the bass to turn in your direction, to bring him in now is going to take angler perfection.

You hold your rod at 10 o'clock and start pumping and cranking, the trolling motor is hitting rocks and is banging & clanking. Guy's jumping up and down in the boat yelling "Monster Bass" and not paying attention to your boat that's about to crash.

Guy fires up the engine, grabs the net, slips and falls overboard, you toss a tow line to Guy, it snags throttle, boat races forward. At 60 miles an hour you look back and can't believe what your seeing. both Guy and the giant Hawg are out of the water and are now water skiing.

You pull up to the dock at the weigh in Marina, Guy and the bass slide up on shore in the center of the arena. You rush over, shake Guy's hand, grab the bass and throw it on the scale. You take first place in the tournament, the crowd begins to hail. "Hey, Ray" For All The Bassin' You Do - This Hawgs For You"

 

The Three Little Hawgs

The Pike family had woken to a mean appetite, as they searched for breakfast they would snap and bite. Big daddy Pike was the meanest of them all, got labeled the Water Wolf, always started a brawl.

Now this wolf was looking for a good size meal and those three little Hawgs had Pike appeal, so the family headed out to do some Hawgging picked up the scent of bass and started jogging.

First bass they came up to lived in the heavy weeds, but the Pikes broke through, gave chase and started to feed. That Hawg put up a good fight like a true water gorilla, that battle became known as "The Thriller in the Hydrilla. Second Hawg made his home in the middle of the lily pads, the Pikes circled the area and said "Sic em Dad". Daddy Pike wanted to show that Hawg who was boss, he smashed the pads, grabbed the bass and threw it for a toss. The bass landed on a pile of macaroni moss, knew it was over for him, it was his loss.

Mamma Pike said with glee "look, we're having Hawgaroni" large mouth bass and macaroni, Hawgaroni taste so sweet, Hawgaroni good to eat, Yeah, we're having Hawgaroni, Mamma Pikes favorite treat!

The third Hawg made his home in the logs and sticks, Pikes knew in order to get him out they had to think quick. Daddy Pike blew a whistle and yelled out "This is a raid", They slammed those logs but couldn't get past that barricade.

Now you see this Hawg was born with a brain, so this was one Hawg they wouldn't claim. He waited till they knocked themselves silly, then he came out with a rope made from the lily. and said, "You all should have not fooled with me", then Hawg tied the Pike family to his underwater tree.
And while they were half unconscious he pulled out their teeth that way they wouldn't give the rest of the bass any more grief.

When they came to, the Pike family started to pucker, now daddy Pike was as harmless as a bottom feeding sucker.
The Hawg knew it was safe, he untied the rope and set them
Free and told them "Don't come back looking for me". Last thing the Pike family wanted on their mind was bass so they high tailed it out of there super fast.

Pikes went back to reading their "How to catch a Hawg" book, thought it would be best if they gave it a second look, realized that they had forgot to read the last page, says, If the Hawg is hiding in wood, don't work up a rage cause you ain't gonna get it, you may as well just forget it!

by John Wowk

 

JOHN WHO?

There once was a clever and humorous bloke,
who often wrote about fishing folk.
Many poems he did write,
during the day and late at night.

His poems became known to people of all ages,
a prophet even mentioned him in his early stages.
Wasn't it Nostradamus who often Spoke
of a famous poet named John Wowk!!

 

 

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